Boundaries are Fun! Five tips for Self-Care Mastery
1) Pause before saying "Yes." If it is not a complete "yes", it is probably a "no". If it is not a complete "no", take as much time as you need before making a decision. I invite you to avoid over-explanations when someone asks you a "yes, or no" question. I worked with a client this past year who committed to herself that she would only say "yes" to a decision if it was a strong "YES!", and it was absolutely AMAZING to see the way her schedule, life, and pursuits enhanced her freedom, well-being, and peace of mind.
2) Prioritize what makes you feel your best mentally, spiritually, and physically each day. I invite you to start taking healthy risks and pay attention to what truly nourishes you each day! Start playing with healthy routines and daily anchors which bring you joy and meaning. Notice how you feel physically and emotionally when you spend time with certain people, activities, and places. If you are unsure about where to start, start exploring; sign up for that class you have wanted to try, the sewing circle, book club, language course, start somewhere!
3) Pay attention to negative emotions This may seem contradictory to the previous suggestion, however it is equally as important. Start to notice when you are experiencing negative emotion, instead of judging it or trying to make it go away (even with positive things!) become curious about what the emotion has to teach you. I would say in my coaching practice, the majority of negative emotions has to do with unmeet needs and values not being expressed currently, in the past, or fear of values and needs not being met in the future. Allow your negative emotions to serve you. I believe transforming negative emotions is a huge part of deepening our relationship to self-care. Even just taking a few minutes every day to feel, or to journal about your negative emotions can be tremendously helpful.
4) Remember that self-care is not selfish. There is a common misconception that if we start taking better care of ourselves, we will stop being of service to others. However, my experience is that this couldn’t be further from the truth. I believe that by not taking care of our own needs, it is nearly impossible to support others in healthy ways. In my own life, I’ve observed that the times I have felt the most lost, were usually the same times I was consciously or unconsciously trying to please others. When I thought I was being the most “selfless,” were the times I had deeply buried underlying motives, such as fear of someone abandoning me, or fear or not being needed. For me, self care is the ability to understand my own values, and to align my schedule and goals with those values. Simply put, we start to include ourselves in our service work too.
5) Self Care is Fun! Like, really fun! You will receive time to dream again. Health challenges start to improve. You will meet some amazing friends along the way, deepen the relationships you already have, and befriend the person that has often been most neglected, yourself! Enjoy the journey!
